Family Wealth Management for High Net Worth Couples

Let me tell you a little story.

Picture two people—my wife and me—sitting in a mahogany-clad office, sipping espresso that costs more per ounce than the wine we drank in our 20s (not by choice, mind you). We were smiling, nodding at our wealth advisor like we understood every single chart and graph he threw on the screen. But internally? My brain was screaming: “We’re flying blind here, man.”

We’d built wealth, sure. Decent portfolios, some real estate, a business or two. But managing it as a family? That’s where things got tricky.

The Moment We Realized “Money” Meant Two Different Things

Here’s the kicker: my version of “managing our wealth” looked a lot like spreadsheets and tax strategy. Hers? More about impact, legacy, making sure the kids didn’t turn into jet-set slackers.

Let’s be honest. Most high net worth couples aren’t arguing over whether to invest. The real heat shows up when you start talking how, where, and why. She wanted to fund a nonprofit incubator. I was stuck on whether our Roth conversions were optimized.

Cue the tension.

What broke the cycle was this question: “What does success look like for both of us, 20 years from now?”

That question flipped the script.

Step One: Get on the Same Page Before You Touch a Dime

I used to think family wealth planning was about hiring the right team—estate attorney, tax advisor, investment manager, the usual suspects.

Wrong.

It starts at the dinner table. No advisors. No spreadsheets. Just two people, talking goals like:

Do we want to leave an inheritance, or focus on charitable impact?
What kind of lifestyle do we want in 5 years? 10?
Are we supporting adult kids? Grandkids? Cousins? Everyone and their dog?

When we finally hashed this out—over a weekend getaway, actually—things clicked. We had different goals, yes. But once they were all out on the table, we could start designing a plan that honored both of us.

That’s wealth management step zero: alignment.

Step Two: Build a Real Strategy (Not Just a Stack of Accounts)

Let me tell you what didn’t work: checking our net worth every month and assuming it meant we were doing great.

What worked?

Creating “buckets” for different goals: legacy, lifestyle, liquidity.
Allocating based on purpose, not just performance.
Separating our personal portfolios from the family wealth structure.

We built an investment policy statement—not just for our advisor, but for us. It spelled out our risk appetite, values (like avoiding certain industries), and target allocations. Once that was set, we could finally stop second-guessing every little move.

There’s freedom in clarity. Trust me on that.

Step Three: Treat Your Family Like a Business (The Healthy Kind)

This one took us a while to embrace. But eventually, we started running our household wealth like we’d run a successful company.

Quarterly reviews: Yes, we literally put it on the calendar. Wine helps.
Family meetings: Not just with the kids, but also siblings, parents—anyone connected to trusts or shared assets.
Roles and responsibilities: One of us handles philanthropy. The other tracks investments. We both weigh in on big decisions.

No more “Oh, I thought you were handling that…” awkwardness. And surprisingly, the kids appreciated being looped in. Even if they mostly came for the snacks.

Step Four: Don’t DIY the Deep End

I’m a big fan of rolling up my sleeves, but I’ve learned this the hard way—there’s a point where DIY wealth management becomes expensive.

Tax strategy? You need a ninja who eats IRS code for breakfast.
Estate planning? One word: dynasty. (Trusts, not Game of Thrones.)
Asset protection? You’ll want someone who’s seen a courtroom up close.

We finally assembled a “family office lite”—no marble floors or private jets involved. Just a tight crew of pros who actually talk to each other. That’s key. Your CPA, estate planner, and advisor need to work like a jazz trio, not soloists.

Step Five: Legacy Isn’t Just About Money (But It Helps)

Here’s the emotional bit.

When we talked legacy, we didn’t mean just “how much are we leaving behind?” We meant: what kind of people are we raising?

So we got intentional.

We started a donor-advised fund together. Each year, we let the kids vote on where the funds go.
We wrote a “family mission statement” (cheesy, but powerful).
We started documenting family stories, lessons, even failures. Stuff money can’t buy—but wealth can preserve.

That’s when this whole thing stopped being about net worth and started being about meaning.

The Bottom Line (Because I Still Love Numbers)

If you’ve built wealth with your partner, don’t assume managing it will be easy.

It’s like owning a yacht—without a map, you’re just adrift on a really expensive boat.

Here’s what I wish we’d done sooner:

Had the “what do we really want” conversation—without advisors in the room.
Created a written strategy with purpose-driven buckets.
Built a trusted team before things got messy.
Involved the kids early—and made it fun.
Focused less on control, more on connection.

We didn’t get it right at first. But once we stopped chasing returns and started chasing clarity, everything changed.

Now? Our wealth feels like a tool, not a trap.

And honestly… I sleep better.

Key Takeaways for High Net Worth Couples

Talk first, invest second: Get aligned on goals, fears, and dreams.
Think in buckets: Lifestyle, legacy, liquidity—each has its own plan.
Run it like a business: Regular reviews, defined roles, and open communication.
Outsource the complex stuff: Especially tax, legal, and multi-generational planning.
Make legacy about more than money: Include values, family history, and impact.

And if you’re reading this wondering whether it’s too late to get on the same page with your spouse?

Let me just say this: I thought that too.

Turns out, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time? This weekend.